is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
