my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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