thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
