The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
