Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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