I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
