Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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