I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize