last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ttyl tear gas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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