At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
