I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
