have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
