I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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