Someone shit on the floor
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
