pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
