I faked an abortion last night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
