this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
