i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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