my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize