so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
