His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
