This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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