My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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