I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
