i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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