I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize