Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
