Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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