Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
