Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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