I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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