dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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