Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
