You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
