I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
