a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
