I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
