me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
