a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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