I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm just crazy horny about you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
