We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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