She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
