is wine microwaveable?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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