So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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