Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
