when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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