she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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