i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i think i just lost a toe
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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