Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
