I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
