Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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