the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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