ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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