i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
