I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
