i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
