Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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