I accidentally had phone sex last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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