literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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