Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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