We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
