i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
