Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
