this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
