Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
