I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
