just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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