Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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