Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
