Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wear drunk well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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