bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
