remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
