What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
