Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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