Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
