I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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