the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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