I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
