Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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