you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
