remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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