No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
