rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
