what day is it and did you see me today?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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