i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
