These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i drank out of a bidet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
